Let’s complain a little shall we…
Chris loves to travel. And I truly love that he loves his job. However; at times it is hard to be in love with a traveling man.
These are my confessions:
I am jealous- I want to go on road trips across the country
with my buddies! I have this deep belief that it is so much easier to be the
one leaving than the one left behind. He gets to go places, see things, be with
his friends and I am left here to continue running our lives... ALONE. I often forget that the reality is it is not
all fun and games. He works way harder than I ever could or would ever wish to.
I am a worry wart- I continuously worry about Chris driving,
going out on a fire, cutting trees, etc. It doesn’t help that he usually doesn’t
have cell phone service for hours considering he does this stuff in the middle
of nowhere.
I need a plan- The crew usually makes plans THEN they
change. We never ever know what is going to happen. I usually never know where
my husband is sleeping at night until he is there going to sleep. This
completely goes against my personality. It is hard for me. It is hard to deal
with the disappointments when you expect something to happen then it doesn’t
and there isn’t anything anyone can do about it.
I love that my husband has an awesome job that he enjoys. It
has allowed us so much financial freedom. It is also helping us build our home. We
are both extremely thankful. But...I think I am allowed to dislike it sometimes too. Sometimes I see Smokey Bear posters or billboards and I just want to punch him in the face. I get lonely. It’s
terrible loneliness. I am not talking
about the sitting at home crying and pouting because I miss him lonely. Ok, so
sometimes I do that too, but I am also talking about missing my partner in life.
I personally have different types of loneliness. At times I
am just angry and quite frankly need some help taking care of business. I need
someone to carry some of my weight for a while. I need him to be here to help
me with the bills, the groceries, the house, the dog, ya know just everyday
things. Occasionally it all becomes overwhelming. Then there are some nights I just
want to go out and get ice cream. But, I can’t just go alone. That’s boring. No
one wants to eat ice cream alone.
Funny Story: One night I got home from having a hard day at
work. Chris was gone (as usual), the house was dirty, the sink I ordered for
the new house had been back ordered yet again and my dog’s shedding was out of
control. As I ran around in the bathroom trying to brush the dog that hates to
be brushed I got a glance of the bath tub. It was devastating. It was so filthy that I began to cry. So there
I sat crying over my dirty bath tub. My dog was looking at me like I had lost
my mind. I started thinking maybe I had lost my mind. I mean who cries over a
dirty bath tub? It’s the small things that
finally get to me. After weeks and weeks of being tough and trying to make it
through, just until Chris can get home, something will happen like a dirty bath tub
and it will just kick my butt.
In my mind I always pictured marriage as two people who live
together, sleep together, take turns changing the trash, have dinner after
work, and wake up together on Saturday mornings. Needless to say I have had to
adjust my definition of marriage. Our marriage is not always a fairy tale. Everything in our life is not always perfect or easy. But easy is just plain boring. I have come to the conclusion that although I
do have a mental break down now and then I am ok. I can do this! I have also decided
that absence does indeed make the heart grow fonder and that things do not always need to be PERFECT. Do not let other people fool you their marriage is not perfect either. It is ok for me to accept loneliness for the time being and just look forward to my husband coming home. Although this lifestyle is not typical we make it through. I am so proud of my husband. We LOVE the time we have together. This job has
taught us to never take our time together for granted like so many couples do. Being
a hotshot wife is not for the faint of heart. It is a hard job, but someone has
to do it.
"If you work with God and keep a willing
attitude, then no matter what comes against you, the word of God says
that all things – not just the good things in life, but all things –
work together for your good.”
